September is Suicide Awareness Month
Let’s have a really uncomfortable conversation. Admittedly, I say a lot of 4 letter words, but the one I’m about to use has 7. SUICIDE. If you’re able to just sit with that word for a second, I’m going to ask that you think about the feelings it evokes. For some it’s fear, for others it causes panic, while some may shut down, and some of us might have to completely turn away from the word. No matter what feelings come up for you when you hear the word suicide, it’s no longer a word you can ignore. According to the most recent data collected from the CDC in 2020, it’s the 12th leading cause of death in America. Unfortunately these numbers only track those incidents reported that lead to a hospitalization or bring people into a crisis center/emergency room. If we struggle to even address the word, imagine the struggle someone may have in bringing up an attempt or thoughts after the fact if they don’t reach that crisis center or ER. That equals out to a lot of unreported attempts and makes me sad to think who is out there struggling that didn’t end up in our statistics.
So, why are we bringing this up now? I’m glad you asked! September is Suicide Awareness month. 9/10 is World Suicide Prevention Day. So now is the season to have these uncomfortable, yet completely necessary discussions. I think you’ll find that the more we talk about it, the less awkward it becomes. And even moreso when you learn that when someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts, what they want most is to be helped, to be seen, to be loved, and to be told they are valued. So, let’s learn together how we can best support one another because suicide doesn’t discriminate and I have no need to be stingy with this valuable knowledge!
Who’s at risk?
Well, I did just say suicide doesn’t discriminate! But we do know there are some folx we see struggling more than others for sure. If you have a history of mental health concerns, the risk goes up. If you’ve had an attempt in the past, the risk again goes up. Or if someone you know recently completed suicide, there’s an increased risk.
According to NAMI, suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death in teens and “about 11% of young adults (ages 18-25) report that they’ve had serious thoughts about suicide, and about 1–2% report a suicide attempt during the prior year”. And these numbers unfortunately are higher for our BIPOC youth.
In the Trevor Project’s 2021 survey on LBTQI youth mental health, it was determined that “42% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth”. Again, these numbers were higher in BIPOC or Latinx adolescents.
We know that females attempt 1.5 times more often than males and the highest rates for adults are seen most often in folx 85 years or older.
I have to say, the amount of data out there is staggering so please don’t think these stats are the end all be all. However, all this info is most excellent as it means our society is starting to see the benefit of not hiding this crisis in the shadows. We need to have these figures out there louder than ever so hopefully we can increase awareness and start seeing some of these numbers go down.
Signs
First and foremost, we all need to know what are some common signs. I say common because we are people and we are unique. But you know your people best and if something seems off with them, please just ask! The answer might be scary, but the potential outcome would be scarier.
Talking as if they’re saying goodbye or going away forever
Tying up loose ends such as making/changing a will or giving away possessions
Making statements like “No one cares anyway”, “It would be nice to just go to sleep and not wake up or deal with any of this anymore”, “The world would be better off without me”.
Finding out they’ve been collecting pills or recently bought a weapon
Increased substance use
Withdrawing or isolating
Expressing hopelessness, that they are a burden, feel trapped, or are in unbearable pain
Sleeping too much, but still feeling tired or with low energy
Expressing shame, increased anxiety, increased depression, or aggression
Sudden feelings of relief, sometimes seen when someone has been struggling with suicidal thoughts and now has committed to their plan to end their life
So what can we do?
Great question and the fact that you asked it, means you’re starting to embrace the discomfort of this difficult topic! If you’ve done therapy with me or talked to me irl, you know I don’t tend to sugar coat things. I remember being told in grad school that asking about suicide is the number one difficulty new therapists have. So I made it my mission to dive right into that awkward question and now I’m encouraging you to do the same! If something seems off with someone, please just ask. I’ll start you off: “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed [down, sad, angry, distant, etc]. I wanted you to know I’m always [here for you, I love you, I care about you, I’m worried about you]. Are you thinking about hurting yourself or ending your life?”.
Let’s not assume someone else has already asked!
Listen, truly listen and without judgment
If you asked, be prepared for the answer to your question to be “yes” and then to show your support for keeping them alive!
Stay calm, we’re getting to next steps so you don’t have to feel you’re alone in this either :)
Who ya gonna call?
988
We are fortunate to now have a dedicated crisis/text line for someone experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Call or text 988 or text TALK to 741741. The previous crisis line will also always remain available 1-800-273-8255
I also love that we now have a chat feature which you can find here https://988lifeline.org/chat/?_ga=2.123657483.1634910161.1662471141-146503265.1660910948
If you scroll down, you can search a crisis center near you and, of course, your local hospital is always a great next step https://988lifeline.org/our-crisis-centers/
While 988 is amazing, let's not forget these other great resources!
Trans Lifeline
Trans Lifeline’s Hotline is a peer support phone service run by trans people for our trans and questioning peers. A place to call if you need someone trans to talk to, even if you’re not in crisis or if you’re not sure you’re trans.
1-877-565-8860
The Trevor Project has several direct online resources specifically for LGBTQ youth:
Trevor Lifeline is a crisis intervention and suicide prevention phone service available 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386.
TrevorChat is a confidential online instant messaging with a Trevor Counselor, available 24/7, during times of crisis at trevorproject.org/get-help-now/.
TrevorText is a confidential text messaging with a Trevor Counselor, available 24/7/365, by texting START to 678678.
Born this way foundation
I love this service, it’s basically a worldwide search engine that will direct you to ALL of the text/chat/phone hotlines for your needs and specific to things like veterans, elders, teens, LGBTQ, BIPOC, AAPI, and more!
Call BlackLine
A crisis line dedicated to BIPOC folx. According to their website “The purpose of the BlackLine is to provide people with an anonymous and confidential avenue to report negative, physical, and inappropriate contact with police and vigilantes”, however their respondents are all trained in crisis with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens. Absolutely LOVE this!
1-800-604-5481
Edited 9/29/22 to add: Social Media Victims Law Center
They reached out to me in an effort to spread the word on the impact social media can have on individuals mental well-being, particularly our youth. We as a society are still learning the effects long-term social media will have on us emotionally. Long term studies are now coming out linking mental health and social media use, particularly the correlation between suicide and technology use. I think it’s worth a read to check out some of the latest research so we can all stay informed regarding what’s best for our families and us personally.
How to make a safety plan
Not everyone who has suicidal thoughts necessarily has a concrete plan of how they’d end their life. But sometimes it’s difficult to remember that these thoughts won’t last forever and they don’t have to go further than they are right now. A safety plan is a step by step plan of attack to keep our loved ones alive. So let’s talk about what it should include.
Triggers or warning signs that things may take a turn for the worse or are already on their way. This is unique to everyone and may possibly require a little self-exploration. Some examples may be: seeing a bully, not having access to your support system, winter. Those are triggers. Warning signs may be any and all those things we listed a few paragraphs up, but are not limited to only those.
Coping strategies, also unique to everyone. I have some folx create a comfort box that has a playlist of their favorite songs, some tea bags of their favorite tea or hot chocolate, a piece of candy they enjoy, something soft and snuggly that provides comfort, essential oils or candles that make them happy, and maybe a picture of their favorite people/animals/places. The goal is to provide your mind a distraction and picture these suicidal thoughts like most emotions, as a wave. It may seem giant in the moment, but it will brake and you will come back down. Check out this huge list for 100 other ways to get through the next 5 minutes. It was created by a suicide attempt survivor and I think it’s amazing!
All safety plans should have your own people on it. I always suggest providing them with a copy of your safety plan so they know what to reference to help you. The best people are those you trust and it’s usually better if there are a few that are close by in case you need them there quickly.
These 3 apps were created with the intention of having easy access to your supporters.
My3app, easy access to your top 3 support contacts when things are not going well
Notok, features an alert button that, when hit, goes out to your trusted contacts and shares your location. It was developed by a suicidal teen and is for precrisis to let contacts know you’re not ok
Suicide safety plan. In this digital era, having a safety plan right there on your phone may be the easiest option and this one will link right to your support contacts so you don’t have to struggle to find their numbers.
Last, but not least, all those numbers I gave you above need to be on your safety plan. You and your supporters should have them saved or placed somewhere that they’re easy to see and access because if you’re in a crisis, we want easy!
We can ALL be a support
With suicide awareness month and the upcoming suicide prevention day, I encourage all of you to get out there and provide support for such an uncomfortable, but increasingly important crisis. Check out this list of walks located across MD and participate in one close to you! Explore some of the resources I referenced and learn even more! And, please please please, above all: if you’re worried about someone, or you’re worried about yourself, reach out to 988, call/text a friend, or tell a trusted adult and know you are loved, you are valued, you are cared about, and your life is so incredibly beautiful and important.
