Let’s talk about Trauma
Trauma is a term that gets thrown around quite a bit in our society. I personally think it’s great to hear therapy terms in every day conversation simply because it opens the door for further exploration of what these words mean in reference to ourselves and our own experiences. Buuuut it also can minimize a very serious topic and trauma is one of them. For example, if I tell one of my sons we’re having Brussel sprouts for dinner and he tells me I’m traumatizing him. I get vegetables can be scary, but I think this may be a slight exaggeration. So, lets dive on in and learn what’s a little scarier than brussel sprouts.
Trauma Defined
A normal response to an abnormal event(s) that disrupts your sense of safety in the world. I hear you saying, “Lauren, that’s an extremely simplistic definition for something major!”. I hear you, I hear you! Keep reading and we’ll talk about the major implications on your life because trauma is anything, but simple.
Types of trauma:
Big T trauma: one specific activating event that sticks out in someone’s mind. Some good examples of this are a car accident, major injury, discovery of a chronic illness
Small t trauma: several smaller events over time that compound and often lead to Big T trauma. This is often seen with childhood abuse such as ongoing neglect or emotional abuse, but is definitely not limited to childhood occurrences. This can be relationships with domestic violence or ongoing bullying.
Secondary/vicarious trauma: often seen with therapists, first responders, medical staff, or other workers repeatedly exposed to other’s traumas.
Some signs of trauma:
Big emphasis here on SOME. Symptoms vary from person to person (we are all unique after all) and also often depends on the type of trauma.
Flashbacks: replaying an event during unwanted times and during seemingly random moments.
Hypervigilance: feeling like you must always be on guard for perceived threats.
Exaggerated startle reflex: jumping or feeling like you’re overreacting to minor sounds or events
Anxiety: feeling overwhelmed, constant worrying, ruminating and/or racing thoughts, panic attacks, problems with concentration
Depression: persistent low mood, not feeling motivated or enjoying things you used, isolating, not caring as much about your appearance, crying for no reason
Problems with sleep: nightmares, sometimes replaying events; sleeping too much or not sleeping enough. This can be tossing and turning, not being able to turn your brain off
•Fear •Anger • Guilt •Shame •Suicidal thoughts
How does trauma impact your day to day life?
Increased substance use to numb overwhelming emotions
More time spent away from family watching tv, playing video games, or on your phone, again for numbing
Difficulty working. This could be seen in a few different ways, such as feeling overwhelmed with tasks that used to not be so difficult, fear of being around others, increased fear of failure
Avoidance. This can be avoidance of places/situations that remind you of those traumatic events. Or avoidance of people, sometimes leading to isolation.
How can trauma impact relationships?
Oftentimes, trauma can have a profound effect on our relationships with friends, partners, and even in our work. This is even more so when trauma is a result of a violation in a relationship, such as abuse by a spouse or caregiver. Our brain’s job is to keep us safe from the day we are born. It does this by trying to pick up patterns in even the most minor of events that occur throughout our lives. Once our brain picks up on something that reminds us of an event that happened in the past, it knows how to respond in the present day to keep us safe.
Trauma responses occur when we experience something that causes a profound threat to our safety. We become hypervigilant to recognizing these events and respond accordingly. For example, if a caregiver was neglectful and you had only yourself to rely on, you may find yourself keeping others at arm's length, even in the most intimate of relationships in an effort to keep yourself safe. Or if a parent/guardian relied on you as a child to meet their needs, you’ve always felt that you had to take care of everything in other’s lives. Once in a relationship, you spend your time trying to figure out how to make others happy. This causes you to neglect yourself and leaves you feeling overwhelmed, followed by resentment of the demands placed on you. In either situation, trauma in early childhood relationships continues to have an impact in how you relate to others today.
So how do you heal this?
There are multiple, evidence based treatments for trauma.
CPT Cognitive Processing Therapy and CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (This is me, this is what I do!)
Teaches coping skills to be used in moments of distress
Encourages reframing of the events and the beliefs associated with them, in turn allowing a different perspective and response
DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy (Oh, damn, I also do this!)
Helps with emotional regulation and increases your ability to tolerate stress (sorry, we can’t just get rid of it, even though we’d like to)
EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing: phase based treatment involving bilateral stimulation such as eye movements. Read more about it here.
Prolonged Exposure Therapy: allows you to gradually address trauma events and triggers through exposure. This article does a great job explaining in more detail.
Even more helpful things!
Your body tends to respond physically to all sorts of stimuli, trauma for sure being one of them. Folx with a history of trauma can experience somatic concerns such as panic attacks, chronic pain, insomnia, and obesity, just to name a few. Bessel van der Kolk is largely considered the father of trauma treatment in the mental health world. His book The Body Keeps Score is amazing at describing in detail our body’s physical responses to trauma and ways to decrease those trauma responses. I use quite a bit of his techniques in my practice!
Polyvagal theory
This theory falls in line with Bessel van der Kolk’s findings, that our body has an innate response to trauma. You’ll typically hear it defined as “fight/flight/freeze/fawn”. Your nervous system is partially composed of the vagus nerve, which is in charge of that automatic response. Trauma causes your body to stay in a constant state of fight or flight, which is exhausting! The video below does a great job of breaking down this system and how we can begin to retrain this system to react calmly on an everyday basis. Counseling Today has a great article that describes polyvagal theory in even more detail.
Final Thoughts
My firm opinion is that our mental health does not have to define us and the same holds true for trauma. Personally, I like to view myself as a survivor of my experiences, but even more so, as a thriver in spite of them! My responses to my experiences aren’t wrong, and neither are yours. Our responses kept us safe through some really messed up shit. But that doesn’t mean they have to serve us in this manner for the rest of our lives. It is possible to learn new responses so we can all be beautiful little butterflies full of positive self-worth and resiliency. So, tell me, how are you choosing to thrive today?
