Summer, summer, summertime

I hope you sung that title 😆 Anyway: C’mon sunshine and humidity! I am admittedly a spring and summer kinda gal. As soon as these sunny days start to get consistent and the temperatures rise, I transform from the bitchy person I was through the winter into a happy little butterfly. It’s pretty glorious for me…and probably my family!

However, in all my long years of doing therapy and working with teens, I’ve started to notice a trend. Not everyone butterflies like me. And that’s totally fine! But it got me thinkin about why some of my adolescents struggle more in the summer. Which led me to want to share what I’ve learned. Read on to learn how we can best support kids during the sunny days, the same way we would during the dark days of winter. 

Lack of consistency, structure, and a schedule

My clients will hear me say pretty frequently that human beings crave stability. Our brains thrive on predictability. School and work offer that for us, even though we’re fighting tooth and nail with our alarm clocks every morning. Summertime can be this magical opportunity for teens because there’s no responsibility and no teachers/parents nagging them about grades. But it also means, there’s a lot more time to be floating meaninglessly through the days. And our brains don’t always like that! 

So, how can we help? Well, a lot of parents worry about their kids getting into things they shouldn’t while they’re home alone. I can relate, completely understand! But, if a middle ground is an option, let’s strive for that. Balance is always best. Rather than hyper schedule our kids and overcommit them to tons of activities, let’s figure out a way for them to get a much needed, well deserved break AND have somewhat of a routine to keep them on track. I live in an area where kids are encouraged to be overly involved in every possible extracurricular activity available. I also live in an area where quite a bit of the teens coming to see me are already burnt out and they haven’t even made it out of high school yet. Let’s definitely strive for balance and understanding that their bodies are still growing and developing and they really do need that extra sleep and rest.

Too much sleep is not a good thing

However, me again with encouraging balance! Most kids are probably not getting enough sleep throughout the school year. A lot of my neurodivergent clients struggle with school requirements, time management, and organization, which means late nights trying to catch up on work. Or the need for stimulation drives them to be involved in every school activity offered. But by the end of the school year, again they’re burnt out and ready to rest. Totally understandable! 

So they sleep…and sleep…and sleep. This often switches their circadian rhythm and they’re up all night eating all the chips in the house. But too much sleep can also mimic a depressed episode and sometimes our brains don’t know the difference. Oftentimes, kids themselves aren’t even realizing when the switch happens. Rather than having a militaristic approach and denying them the much needed rest, let’s have a conversation ahead of time about summertime sleep expectations. That can look like a free pass for week 1 and then a modified schedule going forward. This is just one example, but I know there are many others for what works best for you and your kiddo. 

Loss of connections with friends

School is great for forced interactions with peers, even as they may be hating it and every conversation is focused on bitching about homework or a hated teacher. But it also means you do actually see your friends every day. Once summer hits, a lot of adolescents are happy to have the decreased stimulation from the crowded school halls. But then the loneliness has the potential to creep in. Facetime and gaming together is all well and great, but there are certain aspects of real life interactions that are certainly needed. Non verbal cues are often missed with virtual socializing, communication is more passive, and it’s easier to get distracted when you’re talking on the biggest form of entertainment we all engage in. 

All of this adds up to be not quite as good of a social experience. Most of our kids are used to virtual interactions at this point, but being used to something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s better than or a complete replacement for the real thing. I’m again going to soap box about balance. If you have a gaming kid like I do, it may be a struggle to get them away from the screen. Having a conversation about balance with screen time vs irl activities is a great way to figure out what they feel their needs are and how you can best support them to get those important connections with their friends they may start missing. 

Changes in eating habits

I don’t know about your kids, but mine absolutely hate school lunch. I keep paying for it, but honestly I’m not sure what they’re eating from it lol Mine bring snacks every day and then eat again when they come home…they never stop eating! Unless they’re sleeping all day or out running around all day, taking advantage of the freedom from being on a break. Either way, there’s no consistency and, remember, our brains love consistency and predictability. Even if my kids don’t like school lunch, they’re still on a schedule that reminds them to eat at roughly the same times every day. With longer summer days, even our family dinner times are often inconsistent. 

So, all around, adolescents are missing out on regularly scheduled eating opportunities. For some of my neurodivergent teens, they get so locked in on doing something they love for an unlimited amount of time that they forget they’re even supposed to eat. This isn’t a problem with a school schedule because there’s a reminder to eat breakfast before jumping on the bus, eat lunch when everyone else around you is, and possibly a consistent dinner routine. Summertime can be a free for all though. 

If you’ve ever been hangry, you know you are more irritable, lethargic, have difficulty concentrating, and can even become nauseous. None of these things are great for our moods every once in a while. But not eating regularly for a whole summer season can play havoc on our bodies and mental well-being. So this is another great discussion to have with your kiddos for figuring out a way to keep some consistency with eating over the break. 

No balance with fun

My kids tend to go a little overboard with planning all the fun things. They want a sleepover every day, to go here and there, to stay up all the hours, and wake up and get moving immediately. Even if there’s nothing specifically scheduled for them, they’re at ages where they are planning for themselves. And I love seeing this independence and, honestly, the commitment to self-care in a way they don’t get throughout the school year (although I’m sure they wouldn’t call it that!). 

And it’s all fun and games until they crash. Because, here she goes again, balance. Just like I don’t want them overly scheduled or sleeping all day, I also don’t want them running hog wild with no breaks for themselves. Remember, they still need that sleep, they still need that time to return to relationship with self, and they still need opportunities to have some decreased stimulation. 

Let’s just talk to them!

Teens can be scary; their rbf can sting you like no other, they’re better with technology than us, and they use all these words that we don’t know like riz and cap (I only put these in here to make my own kids cringe). At the end of the day though, these are just kids. They need honest and open discussions with us. Even if they tell us we have no idea what we’re talking about, they’re still taking the knowledge in. You never know what part of your conversation is going to strike a cord for them. And that’s what we want, we want to get them thinking, we want to get them considering what can impact their mental health. The earlier we can reach them in understanding what’s happening in their own minds/bodies, the better off they’ll be as adults. 

With all of these considerations and suggestions, you’ll notice I’m encouraging a conversation. Teens strive for autonomy, as they should. Rather than take the decisions away from them, let’s take their opinions into consideration. I tell all the parents of my teen clients that if their kid doesn’t have buy in on therapy, we may not be as successful as they’d hope. The same is true when thinking about how best to support them for possible summertime sadness. The fact is, having these uncomfortable conversations starts to create trust. Trust that you’re thinking about them, trust that you take them seriously, and trust that they can come to you if they do start struggling and you’ll have the answers! Worried that you may not have the right answers? Totally ok! Luckily, therapists work year round and we’re always here to support you and your kiddos. Last, but not least, don’t forget you can always reach out for mental health support whether the sun is shining or the skies are gray.