Let’s get real about resolutions
Alright it’s that time of year! Ya know the one where we all go to the gym, we all turn into salad eating rabbits, we’re all sober, and just overall glow up. It’s the New Year, New Me time! Buuuut if you’re anything like me, you forget about that gym membership by the 15th, the salad is wilting in the veggie drawer, and I’ve decided I don’t mind a glass of wine with dinner. What happened to our grand plans? We didn’t glow up!
And now we all feel like shit about it. We failed! So how do we shift this? All of social media and the commercials are telling us this is what we should be doing, so why is it so damn hard?! Because what social media and the commercials don’t tell you is that change is a process. We don’t have Cinderella rules where the clock strikes 12:00 on 1/1 and we’re able to make all these miraculous changes that stick. All of life stays exactly the same with commitments to work, children, family, and friends, but now we’re adding in all these new routines. Even though just last week, we were struggling to figure out how we were going to fit everything in. But now we have to do more?!
How to set goals that will stick
There is an art to setting goals that the commercials don’t typically share. It involves baby steps and forgiveness. Ha! Didn’t think I was gonna say that, did you? Don’t get me wrong, I love the motivation and optimism that comes with that brand new gym membership, but I just know I’m absolutely not going 7 days/week. And to say anything of the sort to myself, is just setting myself up for failure. So, I’m all for baby steps. If I hadn’t been going to the gym at all previously and now I’m going once/week, I have 100% achieved something! I know I’m supposed to say the sky’s the limit, but there’s a lot of in between shit to get there. And the in between is f’n hard. So we’re also going to give ourselves grace and be gentle with ourselves while we’re working on our goals. In short, we are going to forgive ourselves if one week we don’t do everything we set out to. If we even did a small piece of our goals, we have done more than we were doing before. Let’s think of these changes as a marathon, not a sprint. (This is coming from someone who has never and will never run a marathon in her life, but you get the picture…hopefully).
Next Step
So you may have heard of SMART goals. I’m never really great with an acronym, but this is one of the ones that I’m actually able to remember! I’m going to tell you what each letter stands for and then we’ll figure out some easy ways to implement them.
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic
Timebound
Bring on the resolutions!
Get healthier
This is probably the #1 resolution we all start the year out with. But what exactly does that mean? When you really think about it, getting healthier can mean so many different things! So, let’s figure out a way to break it down into a SMART goal.
Specific: I want to get healthier by eating more salads
Measurable: I will eat salad for lunch 3x/week.
Achievable: I have the means to purchase said salad and the time to put them together.
Realistic: I know the office goes out to eat a couple times/week and I’ll be ordering a cheesesteak and NOT a salad on those days, so we’re only going to make this goal for 3x/week instead of 5-7 days.
Timebound: I will start this the first full week back in the office and try to achieve this for at least one month. I’ll check back in with myself at the end of the month to see how I did!
Now that I’ve got something specific and realistic for me, if I choose to eat fries one day out of the week, I didn’t fail at my goal. Now let’s say a month from now, I find that I honestly only ate salads twice/week. That’s ok! We’re also going to be gentle with ourselves with these goals, remember? Is there something we can do to make this more achievable, like say prepping the night before or at the beginning of the week, so we’re guilted into salad? Or did I not like the types of salad I was getting, so it made the idea of it unappealing? Or is there an alternative healthy meal I’ve discovered that I’d prefer more? See, how we’re not just completely giving up? We’re thinking of things that will make this goal more achievable and realistic specifically to our own unique needs.
Get organized
Here’s another tip that you typically don’t see when all those planners and journals start popping up on your feed: Think about your current organization (or lack thereof) and what specifically does/doesn’t work for you? What have you tried to change in the past that was successful? Chances are there’s something and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! Plus, how do we build on that? What didn’t work for you before? If you know, there is absolutely no point in going back to the same old thing; just because it works for someone else, doesn’t mean it will for you. While we’re on that point, please check in with yourself on whether these are your goals or someone else’s. I’ve got a lot of ND folx that think they need to organize the same as neurotypical peers do, and that’s just not the case. Everyone’s brains work differently, let's embrace our uniqueness and do what works best for us. Ok, here’s the example:
Specific: I would like to get more organized at work by completing all my documentation with no reminders from my supervisor.
Measurable: All notes will be completed by the close of business on Friday.
Achievable: I have time specifically built into my schedule daily to accomplish this.
Realistic: I know I’m going to slack off and talk to co-workers during the above mentioned time. Even though I could do notes daily, I’ll give myself a goal of the end of the week instead (I know me, I like the office chit chat way too much!)
Timebound: I will attempt this for the next 2 months and then check in with myself to see what worked/didn’t work. If it didn’t, what can I shift? Would alarms in my phone be helpful as reminders? What about sharing my goals with my co-workers and enlist their help in keeping me accountable? Body doubling is a great tool for getting things done! Have I found a specific day that works better for keeping up with documentation because of meetings/trainings/or other time commitments? Again, we’re not giving up, we’re reassessing our needs to better achieve our goals.
Save money/spend less money
Eeep, this one’s a tough one too. This one may be a little bit more manageable if we have an idea of what we’re saving money for and obviously have the financial means to do so. Let’s break it down!
Specific: I’d like to save $100 for a new pair of shoes.
Measurable: I will set aside $10/week for the next 10 weeks.
Achievable and Realistic: I know $10 won’t put a dent in my overall budget. I’ve seen that I usually have at least $50 leftover before getting paid again, so I know this money is available to me.
Timebound: I gave myself 10 weeks, but I also know things pop up. If after a few weeks, I find that I haven’t been setting this money aside, what’s the barrier? This doesn’t mean I have to give up on the new shoes, it just means I can shift my timeframe from maybe 10 weeks to 15 or maybe reduce the money set aside to $5 instead of 10.
Conclusion
Resolutions can be great and can really be helpful towards improving our overall health, whether it be emotional, physical, spiritual, or financial. I just hate that there’s no sort of guidance out there with the New Year, New Me expectation social media and society tends to put out there. Many of us are left feeling like failures hoping next year’s resolutions will be better. Hopefully, breaking it down and making goals feel more accessible results in you feeling more confident in yourself and your goal setting abilities! Still struggling on how to even get started? Reach out to a therapist or coach today! It’s always nice to have someone’s outside perspective to bounce ideas off of. Not to mention we can be the greatest cheerleaders for all the successes coming your way!
